Understanding the Grief Stages

What are Grief Stages?

Don’t Do It This Way

It is the emotional state of a person that has faced a traumatic event. Understanding The Grief Stages will help you to find where you are at. It is very lonely and hard to understand grief with depression coming right behind it. There is NO one way to go through it. It is one step at a time.

If you try to go through it alone, like I did, it may take a long time. From beginning to end, you will struggle harder and longer if you choose to go it alone. Do NOT do that.

You could possibly destroy your life, those around you and lose everything. That is what I did, I committed those around me to a living hell and was not even aware of the damage that I was doing to them. I could not hear them because of my grief and depression. I did not want to hear them. I would not hear them.

Do It This Way

Pay attention to what is going on around you. You may not really be able to understand what is really going on but you will need help. Listen to your loved ones. Pay attention to what they are saying to you.

You will need to focus on your life. You will need to regain control so that you can back to life. You need to be you again but with a newer part of you that you will have to learn to understand and live with.

It will not be easy. No one will do it for it. You have to get back on your feet and stand strong.

Help- 911

There are many support groups for those that are living with grief and depression. These groups are professionally trained to help you through each and every step of your invisible pain.

Take the time to learn more about the groups in your area. The counselor will be very willing to listen to you. That is what they are there for. Let them help you!

If I can help, let me know what you need and we can get started. Your well-being is important and I understand what the process of grief and depression is like.

As a certified Life Coach, my training and personal experience can be the difference in the amount of time and steps to help you get back on your feet.

NO matter which direction you choose, GET HELP! Do not wait and allow the pain of grief and depression ruin your life like I did, seek help and save yourself a lot of pain for yourself and those around you.

Who is Dinky Smith?

Dinky Smith hit rock bottom in the last few years. This is my story about my journey to recover from grief and depression. You learn to fall and then get back up or quit. You will see a lot of “I’s” in this post because I need to share this with my world. Hopefully, it is not too redundant.

Loss

I had both choices after I lost my daughter to a drunk driver on May 14, 2011. I fell and then kept trying to find a balance to keep going but it was really for me. My heart and soul became damaged and I became lost. I fell into a hole that was deeper than any I had ever experienced. I fell into the hole of severe grief and depression.

I lost friends, family, my job, a business, other income-producing opportunities and much more.  I made some new friends along the way, I am glad they are here.

My family life and marriage was in peril as well as my mental well-being. More than anything, else in the world I lost a child. It was a requirement that I learn how to live in this world without her. She was only 31 years old with a child that had now become an orphan on that day.

May 14, 2011, was my last best birthday. Everything in my life changed that day. I will never be the same. Life is never supposed to stay the same after a loss.

Damage Control

There was a need to seek counseling but I did not do that. I barely had enough courage to drive, so how could I talk to someone. I relinquished myself to near total isolation. I tried to work but I soon began to recognize my ineffectiveness. I had to quit.

Counseling was the right way to go but I wanted to heal myself. It took too long and I never really understood what I was doing most of the time. The doctors prescribed medications to me, it helped and then it didn’t help. My head got screwy and some days are just a blur. What a mess!

During my coming out phase, I tried several things only to realize that they would result in failures too. My life was in shambles. I felt like a complete failure at everything except failure. I guess I was good at something bad.

I needed to fight my demons. My home became a war zone and I was ready to fight anyone at any time. The Monster Within me was winning. The Depression was my best friend. I became the enemy in our home.

Finally, I needed to face the world alone and went away. I thought being alone would fix everything, wrong! My husband allowed me to leave without a fight because he knew he would be there for me, no matter what. He was there and watched everything that I did from many miles away.

Results

Starting over in a new world is very different. I came back home with a hard heart filled with shame and regret. I had made so many bad choices along the way, how could I hold my head up after all of this? Love! Amazing Grace saved me.

I sang that song over and over on my trip back home. I resurrected every damning wrong I had done over the past few years. Over and over like a D rated movie that never ended. I did not want to face the music of my wrongs but I had to make repairs for myself and my loved ones.  My husband loves me and so does my family. I could not see it because I was lost.

I have entered the last and final phase of repairs in motion. I have made amends for the most part. I am trying my hand at real estate again. I have to start over with marketing and gaining new clients.

I have started a new venture in Life Coaching. With my personal journeys, I feel this is a great opportunity to help, teach and learn with and for others as well as myself. So for my team of Me, Myself and I are back on our feet and doing very well.

By the way, I am sure that you have seen all my blank posts about Coaching, well, my website was in production. If you are interested in seeing my website visit www.dinkysmith.com and have fun. It is still a work in progress, leave comments if you would like to learn more.

Hugs to the World

Dinky

Starting Over

Starting Over

Starting Over After Loss Starting over after the loss of a child is the most unpredictable experience in life especially. Loss of life, peace, comfort, mind, money, and wellness become the primary targets of loss. It has the power to effect any human on the planet. Most humans are not ready and will most likely experience grief and depression. Children take the loss harder than adults. The loss comes in many forms with death taking the highest toll on a person mental well-being. Major impacts come from job loss, empty nesting, move, divorce, foreclosure, and bankruptcy.  Bullying, harassment, rape, car accidents, assault, illness are just to name a few of the minor incidents that occur. and much more. Along with loss comes grief and depression. It happens whether it is wanted or not. Before The Loss Life was great. I was a normal wife, mother, and grandmother. Life was really good. I had my joys and gripes like everyone else. Our blended family of mine and his got along pretty good for the most part. I had the older two kids and he had the younger three kids. Our door on our home became a revolving door as needed. The "Do Drop Inn" was often the "Do Stay For Awhile". It was our way of taking care of our family. We both had jobs despite the fact that we were helping out the kids.  It is what you do as parents. Our family is everything to us every moment of the day. A parent can have issues with a child but you are still there for them., every moment of the day. You never stop being a parent. The Day of Loss May 14, 2011, was my birthday and everyone was there for it. I was thrilled and we had a great time. There was tons of food, fun and family time. After the cake fight in the face, we cleaned and everyone left to go home, unless they lived here, of course. Lilly lived in Denver and was heading back for a graduation the next day. She let her daughter stay for the rest of my birthday weekend. Lilly had about an hour drive before she was home and tucked in bed. That is not how it all happened in the end.  A drunk driver had a head-on collision with her that night about 11:30 PM. She did not make it home, she was not tucked in bed. We would never see her alive again. The phone call came at about 4:30 AM the next morning, Lilly Duncan was dead. From that point, life changed for the entire family especially her child. After The Loss The shock broke all of us. Her child took the hardest hit beside me. She was now an orphan as her dad passed away when she was eight years old. Dyrah became our little girl after her mom died. Life was hitting rock bottom for all of us. The adjustment to our loss was full of roller coaster days and nights. Nothing was happy anymore. We were all broken to the core. You have to learn to move on but the road of moving on is the toughest road to travel. You can't see what you are doing because your eyes are swollen from crying. Physical control becomes impaired by shattered nerves and mental fatigue. You have no control over anything in your life.