Dinky Smith hit rock bottom in the last few years. This is my story about my journey to recover from grief and depression. You learn to fall and then get back up or quit. You will see a lot of “I’s” in this post because I need to share this with my world. Hopefully, it is not too redundant.
I had both choices after I lost my daughter to a drunk driver on May 14, 2011. I fell and then kept trying to find a balance to keep going but it was really for me. My heart and soul became damaged and I became lost. I fell into a hole that was deeper than any I had ever experienced. I fell into the hole of severe grief and depression.
I lost friends, family, my job, a business, other income-producing opportunities and much more. I made some new friends along the way, I am glad they are here.
My family life and marriage was in peril as well as my mental well-being. More than anything, else in the world I lost a child. It was a requirement that I learn how to live in this world without her. She was only 31 years old with a child that had now become an orphan on that day.
May 14, 2011, was my last best birthday. Everything in my life changed that day. I will never be the same. Life is never supposed to stay the same after a loss.
There was a need to seek counseling but I did not do that. I barely had enough courage to drive, so how could I talk to someone. I relinquished myself to near total isolation. I tried to work but I soon began to recognize my ineffectiveness. I had to quit.
Counseling was the right way to go but I wanted to heal myself. It took too long and I never really understood what I was doing most of the time. The doctors prescribed medications to me, it helped and then it didn’t help. My head got screwy and some days are just a blur. What a mess!
During my coming out phase, I tried several things only to realize that they would result in failures too. My life was in shambles. I felt like a complete failure at everything except failure. I guess I was good at something bad.
I needed to fight my demons. My home became a war zone and I was ready to fight anyone at any time. The Monster Within me was winning. The Depression was my best friend. I became the enemy in our home.
Finally, I needed to face the world alone and went away. I thought being alone would fix everything, wrong! My husband allowed me to leave without a fight because he knew he would be there for me, no matter what. He was there and watched everything that I did from many miles away.
Starting over in a new world is very different. I came back home with a hard heart filled with shame and regret. I had made so many bad choices along the way, how could I hold my head up after all of this? Love! Amazing Grace saved me.
I sang that song over and over on my trip back home. I resurrected every damning wrong I had done over the past few years. Over and over like a D rated movie that never ended. I did not want to face the music of my wrongs but I had to make repairs for myself and my loved ones. My husband loves me and so does my family. I could not see it because I was lost.
I have entered the last and final phase of repairs in motion. I have made amends for the most part. I am trying my hand at real estate again. I have to start over with marketing and gaining new clients.
I have started a new venture in Life Coaching. With my personal journeys, I feel this is a great opportunity to help, teach and learn with and for others as well as myself. So for my team of Me, Myself and I are back on our feet and doing very well.
By the way, I am sure that you have seen all my blank posts about Coaching, well, my website was in production. If you are interested in seeing my website visit www.dinkysmith.com and have fun. It is still a work in progress, leave comments if you would like to learn more.
Hugs to the World